Marriage able Hmong boys wait for potential girls

Marriage able Hmong boys wait for potential girls

Before "zij" the girl, the boy must first give a gift to the girl whom he wants to marry. After a couple of days, the boy can then "zij" the girl.
If the boy has never given a gift to the girl, she is allowed to refuse and go back home with any family member who comes to save her. It should be noted that this is an old tradition that is rarely practiced today. The parents are not notified at the time of the "zij", but an envoy from the boy's clan is sent to inform them of the whereabouts of their daughter and her safety. This envoy tells the girl's family the boy's background and asks what the girl's background is. Before the new couple enters the groom's house, the father performs a blessing ritual, asking the ancestors to accept her into the household. The head of the household moves a chicken in a circular motion around the couple's head. The girl is not allowed to visit anyone's house for three days after this.
I "zijed" my wife 35 years ago (but she isn't Hmong.)